Yes?
- Am I interrupting? - Jan-Erik?
Good day to you, Jan-Erik.
I thought we'd make some changes for tonight.
Perri, Jan-Erik and I have to work.
Fine by me. I was going to work on my tan anyway!
On the beach.
In a hockey glove behind the boiler.
Do you know how long it's taken to renovate this hotel?
How much work has gone into every nail?
This purity, light, openness... You can't place any old thing in it.
You don't tell Beethoven that his sonata-
- needs a boogie-woogie movement.
For fuck's sake, it's just a silly little statue!
Everything matches here. The curtains match the cutlery-
- which match the tablecloths...
If this hotel is so perfect, how can this little wooden man ruin it all?
OK, put the fucking thing up, then!
Hi!
- The builders take half that cost. - So this is my share.
It says beaded panelling, but we had unplanned, didn't we?
That? It's Tove's... A girl thing.
- But she's part of this hotel, so... - Sure.
I think it's quite fun, actually.
Hey, look. I've found a beautiful glass mosaic-
- from an old church in Tuscany. Let's see...
Keskinen... I need your help with something.
I...
I think this is working out fine.
Can't we go on like this, we three?
Eh?
We're a perfect match. We don't interfere with each other's business.
Damn, no matches!
You've never seen us perform magic, have you? You should.
Hi. My name's Ray. What's your name?
Your name's Ray, my name's Gerd. What's your name?
Your name's Ray, your name's Gerd...
...my name's Claes. What's your name?
Y-Your name's R-Ray, your name's Gerd...
...your name's C-Claes...
...and my name's B-Börje. What's your name?
- What's your name? - Come on, Ray, leave him alone.
Let him go.
What's your name?
What did you say?
Ray.
Christer has made great progress today.
He broke the "sound barrier", so to speak.
That's great!
- Thank you for coming, Christer. - Yes.
Oh, yes. Christer seems a little afraid of physical contact.
It's incredibly important to have bodily contact-
- in the rehabilitation process.
It's essential if Christer is to recover.
So try to live normal lives as much as you can. Good luck.
What’s your name? My names Ray, my names Ray...
Well...
...I guess we'll have to try and do as she says.
- Put your seatbelt on. - Yes.
Well... I think it's time for me to go to bed.
Yes...
Christer!
Yes?
What are you doing?
Christer?
Yes?
I'm off to bed...
Yes.
Hello.
Hi.
Cider?
What the hell?
We have to stick together through this, Morgan.
OK?
- Look! It's Flavio to a tee! - Yes.
That's great, Morgan.
But weren't you going to invite Massoud?
- No. - But I'm sure he wants to come.
He doesn't eat crayfish.
We don't just have to eat crayfish. We can have those...
...napas and tapas and tacos and hats! Funny hats!
We can have a Mexican crayfish party!
OK, who wants to stick the stamp on?
Ray. He likes Barbapappa. I'll draw him one.
- Levrén? - Levrén, yes.
Do you know what we're having?
No...
We're having a nice time together.
Excuse me... You have to stop.
Ever since I saw "The Sting" with Robert Redford and Paul Newman-
- I've wanted to be a banker.
On Tuesday I'm going to a job interview at a bank.
What?
I really want the job, and I know I can do it.
But I'm worried they'll be put off by my charisma.
You in a bank?
Help me. What do they ask?
First, they'll ask you why you want the job.
I like being in vast, old rooms...
For God's sake. The job.
It's just handling paper and money. A monkey could do that.
What I think they want to hear is that you're reliable, ambitious-
- keen to work, able to fit in...
And responsible.
Just do the opposite of what you normally do!
Keep a low profile. Don't mention eyeshades and sleeve protectors.
It's a good idea about the low profile.
Tone down the charisma a bit.
Good idea.
Tell us about your hiding place.
Not on your life.
- Do I have to? - I think you want to.
It's... I...
I have a fish. On the shelf.
Behind it is my secret place. When I open it and stick my arm in...
- Where you hide your porn? - Tons of it.
I've collected so much porn on my travels. From around the world.
In Japan there's a magazine for every position. With horses and...
...running around naked, and along comes a huge guy in a bearskin...
Johan. Why do you lie so much?
I don't!
The last two times you've lied about sex.
- And the porn. Is that also a lie? - No.
What do you have in there?
Porn.
I mean...
What do you have in there?
Porn. Horse porn.
We're here to confide in each other. What do you have in there?
A pair of socks.
- What? - A pair of socks!
Oh, yes. I had a weird dream last night.
Actually, it was about you, Olle.
Is that a fact.
We were in a restaurant. It was really nice.
And then we strolled through town...
...until we arrived at your place.
You asked me if I wanted to come in.
And then we're in your hall.
And you help me off with my coat.
And then you ask me if you can fix my hair.
Because it's fallen over my face, like this.
And you take your hand...
...and push my hair behind my ear.
And then I bite you, and the blood spurts everywhere.
And I scream: "In your dreams, you dirty old sod!"
Can't we finish now? I feel awful.
Yes, let's finish.
Tove, can you come here a second?
- Hi. - Have you met Keskinen?
Of course I've met Keskinen.
- Today? - Today.
Keskinen! What the hell are you playing at?
- Sorry! - Oh my God, Richard!
OK, bye.
Christ, Richard, look at him.
Tove, darling. Please don't put him back.
...over the bottle, and one cylinder over the glass.
And now...!
Now the glass is... here!
And the bottle here!
Id like to ask the audience to check...
Do you know what happens when you display him?
I go back down to division 5.
I go back down to that tacky world I came from.
And all the bad taste there...
All of it is embodied in that statue.
But...
...if he can't stay, then neither can I.
I came up with this trick when Kelly lost her purse in Oslo in 1957.
The police wanted a full description of its contents-
- and Kelly went through it all down to the last penny!
We were so broke, we made engagement rings out of tin foil!
Now the audience thinks I was stingy. Foil was expensive in those days!
What have you got in your inside pocket?
Well?
A flask of whiskey!
Yes, that's correct!
They crawl out of the woodwork, the so-called friends, relatives.
Vultures come to feast on the corpse.
The Nile is brimming over with crocodile tears-
- and my generosity knows no bounds.
Sören H. Lindberg will once again fill these petty, boring little lives-
- with meaning, joy and booze.
I know no one, no one knows me, everyone knows the monkey. Welcome!
Hello! It's been a long time! Great to see you. Come in.
Hi, ladies!
- Got your cutlery in your hair? - Exactly.
Kenneth...
That womaniser Erland. "The Virgin Erlands" we called him.
I've always liked women's company. It's just the way I am.
- I've no idea who he is. - It's someone Dad knew.
I think it's one of Dad's friends. He's called Tarmo.
Welcome.
I'd like to welcome everyone to this...
...lovely, oriental-themed evening.
Yes indeed. And all in accordance with Sören H. Lindberg's last wishes.
We bid farewell to a great man.
We who knew Sören know that what he loved best was having fun.
Imagine if more people had his attitude to life.
The world would be a very different place. Particularly the Middle East.
And perhaps the Midwest.
That's it! A round of applause for Sören!
I'm Roffe Lindvall, and tonight we're going to have fun!
I'll be back later, same time, same channel.
It's time - just get the tape going.
Here’s a little song from the Orient.
Its called "Pure, unadulterated joy".
Just a little background music for the party. OK, lets go...
Gong, gong, little Chinaman Ding, ching, dong...
Kjell Levrén! Come in!
- Hello. - Hello. I'm Anna.
- Flower. - Thank you.
Hi, Kjell Levrén. Station manager, SSK.
- We've met. - Oh, yes.
This is Morgan.
The kid, yes. Kjell Levrén, SSK. - Your heating. Municipal?
No, electric cartridge.
We've got geothermal. Cuts down heating costs considerably.
So, what else is new?
What else is new?
- Eh? - I said, what else is new?
- What else is new? - Well, there's a...
Right, Ray!
Thank you.
Kjell Levrén, station manager SSK.
My name's Ray. What's your name?
K-Kjell Levrén, station manager SSK.
What else is new?
Hello. My name's Ray. What's your name?
Kjell. Well, that's sorted...
A pair of tights!
You got some chewing tobacco. Best put it in the fridge...
- My names Ray. What’s your name? - What’s up?
No thanks, I'm driving. No booze or crayfish for me!
I'll have it in the wine. I like to mix mine...
Here's a straw for you to drink through. Don't blow, suck!
...cats, rabbits, whatever. I even cremated a lizard today.
...we send him stuff and write...
- What's his name? - Flavio. That's him up there.
So they've put you in charge of the grill. Is that appropriate?
What do you mean?
Who was it that lit the incinerator and disfigured your father?
Wasn't it you who pushed the button? Well? Have you forgotten?
Just keep your fingers off machines you don't know how to work. OK?
But he'll be reminded of that for the rest of his life, won't he?
He's going to speak, so you can stop jabbering.
Ladies and gentlemen.
I might look like a monkey...
...but I...
...I'm the happiest man in the world.
Most of all I'd like to propose a toast to my wife...
...who's helped me through all my difficulties.
She's fed me and helped me go to the toilet.
She's rocked me to sleep.
She's been absolutely fantastic.
So...
So, Anna...
I'm so grateful to be able to...
...spend the rest of my life together with you.
To Anna.
- Cheers, then. - Cheers.
That was subtle...
Top me up, Larsson!
I never knew cactus could be so tasty!
Best cactus I've ever drunk!
"DON'T WANT TO BE 2-DIMENSIONAL ANY MORE"
Thanks for everything.
- What a great evening. - Excellent.
Good, eh?
Maybe the song surprised you. But I learnt it when I was in China.
But you’ve never been there. You’ve never been anywhere.
Have a good time, everyone.
A round of applause for Sören H. Lindberg's one-act play:
Cancer.
- Hello. Can I join in? - Go away. We can't play with you.
Then along came a little jockey and saw the Cancer's plight.
So he plucked up courage and said: "I'd like to play with you!"
That made the Cancer very happy, so he cuddled the old man-
- and wanted to be with him in every way he could.
But soon the Cancer became greedy-
- and started to eat away at the jockey's lithe little body.
Deeper and deeper he ate, until one day the jockey died.
Bad Cancer, bad Cancer. Chemotherapy for Cancer!
But Cancer was only doing his job. It wasn't his fault-
- that he was put on earth to eat us up slowly from inside.
Thank you. A round of applause for Trixie, Mikaela, Tommy and Dorinda.
You'll get cancer, you'll get cancer. Ha, ha, ha.
You'll get cancer!
Sören was a man of great depth.
He wanted to give himself to us, through food, as a last farewell.
In tribute to all the women who have loved me-
- and whom I, Sören H. Lindberg, have made love to-
- I'd like to take this opportunity to hand out these roses.
The first rose goes to Ulla-Britt. - Here you are, Ulla-Britt.
The next name is Lillemor. - Here's a rose for your long, loyal service.
The next name is Sally. Do we have a Sally?
Thank you. How nice of Sören to remember me.
The next name is Johanna.
- A rose... - Come back, Johanna!
Next up, Bianca!
One evening, I said to Johanna:
"I think it's my randiness and joy of life"-
- "that's driven me over the years. What do you think?"
"You don’t want to know," she said. "I do," I said.
"Randiness and joy? All you know is rage and vindictiveness."
That’s a bit strong. Who wants drives like that?
It's Sören's last wish. You should feel honoured by this kind gift.
A round of applause for Tarmo from Estonia.
I represent Estonian horse racing.
Tonight I also represent the Estonian people.
We're an oppressed people - but we love horseracing.
And so we're very grateful-
- for this lovely present...
...that Sören H. Lindberg has given us.
We hope to derive much pleasure from this fine horse.
Maybe Pirog!
- What? - What do you care about pirogues?!
- What's he mean, "Pirog"? - No idea.
Hello, my friends. It's great to be back.
Though what do I know? This hologram was recorded before I died.
As you can see, I'm not really here.
I come to you in the form of gas.
All my money went on this machine from Dusseldorf.
Instead of an inheritance, I give you something to remember for ever.
Me, a gaseous hologram of gas. Have fun!
There was all kinds of food there...
You've never seen such a party!
Here they come with the horse.
Yes, it's wearing jeans.
Don't you believe me?
- Ernst. The job interview. - Yes, tell us how it went.
Hello...
We work in euros, all online with the stock market. Futures here...
It makes no difference if you're here or at Hagströmmer Qviberg.
But we have a totally different back-up system.
After all, we've got guys outsourced in London, New York and so on.
It's the same network, the same machines, and we're in daily contact.
So in principle you're online to the Nasdaq. In principle.
In principle, sure.
But tell me about yourself. Have you been a trader?
I mean, why do want to work here with us?
- How old are these rooms? - The rooms?
The ceilings seem rather low...
We renovated, modernised, in 1997.
It works well.
What about clothing?
Clothing? "Clean" I was about to say, but a suit's always good.
Can I have your hairdresser's number? It's an intriguing haircut you have.
- Really? - I'd like to copy it.
It's exceptional. Thin, dry, life-worn.
Like a leached-out corn field.
Ever since I saw "The Sting" I've wanted to be a banker-
- with an eyeshade and those sleeve protectors...
Great to get this quick glimpse of you.
We, I, or someone else, will ring you next week and let you know.
- Super-duper! You'll ring me? - Yes. OK?
- Can I finish my coffee? - Of course. See you.
No hanging around in banks.
Brief, efficient meetings.
That went quite quickly.
- I don't think l'll get that job. - Me neither.
He was going to ring this week, but he hasn't rung...
Maybe he rang when you weren't in.
I've bought an answering machine...
...and no one's rung.
And then I've tried to ring him a few times...
...but he's always in meetings, so he...
So he doesn't return my call.
I'll never get a job.
I'm doomed to a life of alienation.
Where can someone like me find a place in this world?
Can you tell me?
Well?
I would love a place.
They're cutting off the power at 11. Just so as you know.
Johan, last week you promised us you'd stop telling lies in here.
- Don't you feel you've grown? - No, I don't.
- I don't feel at all good, actually. - You told us the truth. The socks...
Yes, I did. I regret it. I regret telling you about my socks.
I've decided. I'm keeping everything to myself.
I've hidden a new thing in my secret hiding place. And I will tell no one.
Not anyone here.
- Tell us. What is it? - I'm not going to say.
What's in the box?
I get all tingly when I think about what I've hidden in my hiding place.
Mull over that!
Is it vegetable? Can you eat it?
Stop it! I regret ever joining this group!
It's a real pity that you feel like this.
That our chats do more damage than good.
But surely there was a point to it all? That you'd got over the socks?
Definitely not. My socks were wonderful. I miss my socks!
That evening when your wife found you, Olle. Tell us about it again.
I've buried all that so deep.
I can't dig all that up again.
Take your time, let it out...
I want to, really want to...
I don't see how I can...
That evening when your wife found you.
Take your time...
- We're here... - It's like this. Like this.
She came home early.
She'd been stock-taking in the shop and wasn't feeling well.
So she came home early.
And there was I in bed with another girl I'd met.
So you'd taken another woman to your shared home?
No, no... It was a hotel.
A hotel...
- Which was it? - It was a hotel!
- So how come she found you out? - I don't know.
The hotel bill... Matches...
Matches... l'll be damned if I know.
Wait... So she didn't catch you?
No... Not directly like that.
Wait a minute, I don't get this.
What happened that evening...
...when your wife came home? There.
But I've told you. I... Wasn't it like that?
She came home.
And she heard...
...me playing with my daughter.
But you mentioned a girl...
What did she catch you doing?
- I said last time. - But what was it?
We were cuddling. What's so unusual about that?
It must've been something unusual as you refer to it all the time.
Dad? Are we having pancakes tonight?
- Yes, were having pancakes. - Yummy.
- You’re Daddys little fatty. - You’re the fat one.
OK, you’re just a little chubby...
An Eskimo kiss?
What was so special about just this occasion?
We cuddled... We cuddled and...
She never liked us doing all that.
- Who? - She felt left out.
She was jealous.
She might've thought there was something going on between us.
There was something going on between us. It's...
Daddys little fatty.
Hello. Olle?
- OK, you’re just a little chubby. - Elin!
She came home. We were lying in bed, cuddling, and the music stopped.
It's gone dark. What did I say? 11 o'clock.
- I can't believe they've cut us off! - Wait, I've got a torch.
- Hello, there's been a power cut. - We can see that! Get out!
I think you're the pits.
It's getting late anyway. Let's wind this up...
No! Olle must finish his story.
The art class had a party last night.
I'll go and see if there are any candle stumps left.
We took in a load of strange girls from welfare here.
We helped them get a better life. Johanna was one of them.
She and Tony became a couple. Tony was in love with her-
- and maybe she was in love too. We didn’t talk about that much.
I don’t know when it started to get passionate between me and Johanna-
- but maybe it was when I explained how things worked here.
That she must give a bit in return if she was to have a future here.
And one night he caught us at it. There I was, messing with his girl.
"What the fuck are you staring at?" I said. I thought then he’d kill me.
But he just slunk away like a shame-faced little boy.
"Sorry", he said.
"Sorry."
You should never have gone groping our girls, Tony.
It was my place, for Gods sake!
You could’ve had the world. But you would’ve had to conquer it first-
- just like I had to.
I was nineteen.
I was...
...nothing.
I wanted a life.
A real life.
- Did you get one? - I'm alive.
So am I.
Dad's dead.
Is he?
Is he dead?
I can remember a time of darkness
when I lived a meaningless life
Then I heard his voice from above
telling me the road we should take
He is my song and my joy
He is my Lord and my God
Jesus, in your safe hands
I will rest until the end of time
After the day of judgement
in the new Jerusalem
I will kneel me down at His feet
and Hell say, "Welcome home"
He is my song and my joy...
Landin, SSK 5212.
That's the last of them.
We were in the bedroom. She was there with me.
The music stopped. I fell into a panic.
Hello?
Dad, are we having pancakes tonight?
- Yes, we're having pancakes. - Yummy.
Elin!
- You're Daddy's little fatty. - You're the fat one.
OK, you're just a little chubby.
An Eskimo kiss?
- You were very good today. - I scored a goal.
Olle!
What was that?
Daddy... I'm frightened.
Hi!
I was with my daughter.
- We should stop. - What do you mean, with her?
- We were cuddling. - What do you mean, cuddling?
- We were in bed together. - What were you doing to her?
- Tell us! - I was between her...
- Between? - You know...
No I don't. Tell us what you did to your daughter!
I had an erection. I was between her legs.
Don't you recognise me... Dad?
It's me, Elin.
Your little fatty. Daddy's little fatty.
This is obviously a delicate situation...
Can't you be quiet? Don't you ever know when you're to be quiet?
- My notes may not be useful to you... - Shut up!
- I don't need you any more. Go away. - I will not. This is my group and...
Who do you think you are? You run a cooking course. Have you forgotten?
Well? You can just shut up or piss off!
Elin? Elin?
I...
...have spent my life wondering what's wrong with me.
Why I haven't been like everyone else.
And I've thought...
...that I've always been broken.
And that is because of you.
Until Mum told me what you did to me.
And then I realised. I realised that it wasn't up here...
...but here that was broken.
I hate you.
...and dancing...
...and Kjell Levrén was...
...happy and...
This is how I always want it to be. Can't we do it again?
No. I'm tired of this.
I can't do this any more, Christer. I can't cope.
- But didn't you have fun tonight? - No, I did not have fun.
- But everyone else had great... - Nobody had fun.
They're humouring you. Don't you see?
People don't want to hurt you. So they go along with it.
Nobody's having fun.
You have to slow down. I don't recognise you.
Why can't you be like you were before?
But... this is what I'm like!
I'm ashamed of you Christer. I'm ashamed for being ashamed.
And Morgan. Kjell Levrén sitting there telling him...
Wait. Where's Morgan?
I'd best be off. Bye.
Bye, Olle.
I'll take the glasses.
Here's a little food for you. Come here, Pussy!
No!
No.
Dad!
Morgan?
Morgan! What are you doing?
Morgan, my darling boy.
There, there. What are you doing?
There, there...
How's things, Ray? All right?
Are you thirsty? I'll see if we've got any more lemonade.
You're not getting stiff?
That's good.
Hello.
Here comes another one. Wave! It's Jonsson.
Hello. Hello.
My name's Ray. What's your name?
My name's Christer.
Translation: J. Evans/N. Betteridge (c) Sveriges Television AB 2003 SRT: Lars NOR
Textadministration: Nordisk Undertext AB SRT: Lars NOR